Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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