i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
How naked do you want me to be?
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