After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
