No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I puked a lego.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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