We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
