don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
