my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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