normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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