Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
