Umm I'm too high to move.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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