Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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