I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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