I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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