His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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