Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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