Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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