I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
