dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You are the jesus of drinking
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
