I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
