Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize