Im at strip club and am horny
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
