I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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