You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
