guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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