He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
