just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
