Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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