we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize