If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
