my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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