Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
