we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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