his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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