Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Randomize
