somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
