He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
