My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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