Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
