i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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