The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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