So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
