the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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