I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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