i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
