Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
