remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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