erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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