i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
