Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We just shotgunned beers for America
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
