why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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