Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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