Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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