Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
