I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
