I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
