found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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