can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
