there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
