Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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