what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
