You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize