Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
