I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
