He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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