You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
