I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Someone shattered a urinal.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
