Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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