i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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