This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
