There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
