Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
