i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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