from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
