They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
