90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
