The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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