I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize