I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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