people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
