After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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