He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
