Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
