just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i came on her dog
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Randomize
