i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
