Me too!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize