dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
