This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize