If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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