do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize