they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
