Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize