Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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