Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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