I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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