Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
