It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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