She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
