The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
