I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
