So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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