At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
