I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
