btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
