If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize