Got a toothbrush?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
