Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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