you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
