he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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