she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
