i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
