We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
