I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
