Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
