Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
